He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
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Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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