It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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