And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
