we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
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The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
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He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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