Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
