I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
