I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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