Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
