Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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