And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
