I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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