Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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