why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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