This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
