dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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