WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
