Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
