Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
