True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
