dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
