He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
