Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
