Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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