as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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