He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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