Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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