did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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