haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
