His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
