Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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