dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
