I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
they're like a gay fantastic four
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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