have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
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I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
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My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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