Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
