I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize