worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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