They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
