I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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