People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
