what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
