no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Text me some of your sweat
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
