I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
