Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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