I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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