I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
