you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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