He kissed a someone with a penis
i will never coherently bang her
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
