its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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