he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
