I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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