sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
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I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
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Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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