Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
