She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
