the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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