dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
