five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
only if we run a train.
done.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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