glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
