Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm just crazy horny about you
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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