u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She's the barista slut.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
