I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
