last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
