Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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