he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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