so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It was confusing and full of hummus
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
