i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
