I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
