On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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