I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
