just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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