can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
