is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
