I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
